February 16th, 2012 – the night before we get the keys to our first home.

What a night – I can only imagine how I’m going to feel at the eve of my wedding day. But that’s too far away. But then again, it wasn’t that long ago that I thought February 17th was too far away. And look, it’s <24 hours away now.I feel like I should be excited, because of the fact that God has blessed us with such a place to call home. But, being the worry-wort that I am, I was actually feeling quite a bit of anxiety at work. My coworkers noticed how emo I was, and my brain was just…not there. I was short fused and irritable. Even to Darwin, I got so angry because he couldn’t find a locksmith. Such a simple task. UGH – I might as well do it myself!! > : (

Then I reminded myself (or rather, God reminded me), of Matthews 6. Do not worry. As simple as that. The grass in the fields don’t do anything yet God nurtures them. Here today, gone tomorrow – yet God still takes care of them. The birds and the animals don’t do anything, yet God provides for them. The flowers don’t spin yet Soloman dressed in all his glory did not compare to one of these. How much more precious are we?

It must be one of the most “basic” verses in the bible. But at the same time, such a “Basic” concept and being a Christian for years – I still struggle with it. Earlier in the week I was worrying about setting up everything, finding the best prices to get carpets cleaned, booking the Bell technician to come in. I was stressed but I didn’t feel the urge to really lift it all up to God (sure after I while I did get frustrated and asked God to help me find a carpet cleaner lol). But as far as I’m concerned, I still had control. No need to worry, if anything I’ll just end up paying a bit more money. Not the end of the world.

So why AM i so stressed out tonight? Well because today, after confirming all the appointments for the weekend and figuring out the logistics of moving. A sudden thought hit me. Nobody could guarantee that we’re ACTUALLY going to get keys tomorrow. SURE the closing date is SUPPOSE to be tomorrow…finally the one thing that I had absolutely no control over – our lawyer and the process of physically getting keys.

@_@

We had asked the lawyer if it’s certain we will get keys tomorrow. She said it wont’ be till after 3. Darwin explained to me that its like a lineup. If the guy in front of us gets delayed, we get delayed. And I can only imagine that if we get TOO delayed, we’ll just get pushed off the line altogether. I doubt the lawyer is going to stay past the working hours to get us keys…

And then what? Monday is a holiday (Family day), I had already arranged my vacation…what do if tomorrow afternoon the lawyer calls us and says “sorry we had some delays in processing, the bank’s closed now. You’ll have to wait until Tuesday to get the keys”.

I don’t know – I think i’m just going to cry. Simply because we’ve waited for this day for so long. Planned for it so intricately, and it can all go “poof” and leave us with nothing. What do I do then???

So easy to say don’t worry…but there’s no OFF button for me. Please pray for me when you read this =( Just pray that it’ll work out in God’s way. Pray that I have the obedience to wait on him. Pray that I have the trust to stop worrying. Pray that God will provide for us. He’s taken us all this way – I KNOW he won’t forsake us.

Advertisements