I have definitely felt like my relationship with God was more of a physical chore than a spiritual refill. Like praying and reading the bible were things that I ‘had to do’, not really something I particularly wanted to do. Isn’t it ironic that we love to read, and we’ll WANT to pick up a book and read it for hours, not putting it down. But when it comes to the manual of life that God gave us, reading more than 2 paragraphs a day seems to tire us out.

I understand what you mean by how you feel like there is more distance between you and God, since you’re away from fellowship and what not. But I think it’s important to re-emphasize the fact that our spiritual well being shouldn’t be entirely dependent on other Christians (or lack of other Christians) around us. After Christ’s resurrection the early Christian church was exploding with new believers, but God allowed persecution of the Christians to happen in order to scatter them around the globe so MORE people can hear the good news. If we were all just concentrated in one area under God’s protection, how will the Gospel ever be spread?

Obviously, going back to bordeux is definitely an awesome thing, and I’m sure you’ll really enjoy the spiritual refill, but just remember that God is the source of life, and when branches (like us), fall away from the vine, we’ll just wither and die. Dead branches are useless, and just get thrown into the fire. I always find that parable more encouraging when I feel “distanced” from God. It’s a constant reminder that the further I drift away from the source of life, the more “withered” I’m going to get. If I don’t make an effort to ‘reconnect’ myself back with the vine (God), then I’m just going to dry up and get thrown into fire – I don’t want to be thrown into fire!!

I haven’t been too diligent in my bible reading lately either, or my devotions and writing – I think spiritual walks are going to have their ups and downs. And it’s during the peaceful, happy, calm parts of our lives that it gets harder and harder to hold onto God as our focus – we get too baffled by worldly satisfaction and often forget God was the one that pulled us out of our troubles. When we hit a stormy part of life, filled with uncertainty and difficulties, that’s when we cry out to God and hold onto him for dear life. I guess that’s a part of human nature – we forget painful past experiences too quickly, and because we get over things so fast, we also get over God’s blessings for us.

Tomorrow my church is having their Easter joint worship. The pastor has asked me to translate the sermon for the service. So he’ll speak in Chinese and I translate to English. I have been reassured that I’m going to be fine but the thought of it still makes my stomach queasy and gives me butterflies, since I’ve never done this before. So, tonight I’m pretty anxious – but I pray God will use me and open my mouth/brain to speak the right words and get his message across.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7